Dear Wendy Wildcat,
Have you ever been to prom? I’m nervous and need advice. Have you ever been voted prom princess or queen? I want to become prom queen but I’m nervous.
Sincerely, First Dance Danny
Dear Danny,
Have I ever been to prom? HAVE I EVER BEEN TO PROM? OF COURSE I HAVE, I GO EVERY YEAR. No one can get enough of me, so obviously I get invited back every year. At this point, I have been to prom so many times they have specifically asked me about what the theme should be (Obviously they ask me, because I am the coolest person who has ever been to this school). For the advice you are asking for, don’t be nervous, have fun, and stay out of my way because prom is the one night a year I get to let loose and have fun and I don’t want a destructive Danny to ruin that for me.
As for you wanting to be prom queen, also don’t worry about that because I am going to be prom queen for my 11th year in a row so there is nothing for you to hope about. The only time I lost when nominated was my senior year. They felt sorry for this girl, so they voted for her, but she knew I should have won, and she hid from me every time she saw me because the last time I saw her I talked to her about it. All I did was egg her house and her which wasn’t that big of a deal. The moral of the story is don’t be like Callie the Cat and steal prom queen. Have fun at prom though!
Sincerely, Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
How do you find the perfect prom date? I have gotten all my friends’ dates but me, I need help.
Love, Matchmaker Milo
Dear Milo,
Never put “Love” at the end of a letter to me ever again… I already have my date and I am not interested in you. Back to your question, it seems like you are the coach and they are the players. The perfect prom date does not exist, well… maybe besides me, but we already established you don’t have a chance. My dates throughout the years have been bad but I never regret going. Just find someone who will appreciate you even if you will not pursue a relationship with them in the future. Like once I went to prom with this guy named Braxton (That is the first strike, never go out with a guy named Braxton), and he was the worst date to prom ever. He dressed up in an ugly red flannel while I was in a stunning black dress. My beauty carried his lack of it, though, but it was still sub-optimal. Summing up what we went through, find someone who will appreciate you, and don’t go with an ugly guy named Braxton in a red flannel.
SINCERELY (Which is what you should have said instead of “love”), your dear FRIEND.. Wendy Wildcat.
