Dear Wendy Wildcat,
All of the bathrooms at school have been shut down, may I use yours?
From,
Desperate Davey
Dear Davey,
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I AM THE HEART AND SOUL OF THIS SCHOOL AND YOU DARE TO ASK ME THIS??! Give your girl some privacy, I am NOT sharing my litter box with anyone…EVER!!! As for the bathrooms being shut down, maybe tell your hooligan peers to stop flushing flavored air in the toilets XOXOXO. I believe deep in my caring and loving heart that shutting down the bathrooms is not the way to go about things, but I also do believe the bathrooms are for using the bathroom, nothing more, nothing less. No vandalizing or writing “Wendy Wildcat sucks” in the language hallway girl’s bathroom (yes, I saw that, and no one thinks that besides you). Us as a school need to come together and keep the bathroom a bathroom, and NOT a fog machine.
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
I’m thinking of going to Great Oaks next year and need advice. Any help?
Sincerely,
Oaks Omar
Dear Omar,
Nervous? Don’t be… your beloved friend (we are not friends, don’t get your hopes up) Wendy Wildcat is actually an Oaks master!!! Let me fill you in, firstly the Oaks is a good place for you to experience a more personalized and fabulous experience of learning. There are various options to choose from that can get you a head start in a future career you would like to pursue. I never went because I am needed too much here (same reason why I haven’t left). Secondly there are going to be a lot of new people from other schools that can be your friend…. or more! It will be hard to leave behind a few of your friends who aren’t going to Great Oaks, but you will still be a part of Harrison!! Lastly, you are SAVING MONEY!!!!! You are learning a trade on top of normal classes, giving you skills that you would normally have to pay lots and lots of money to get. Have fun, learn something, meet new people (and tell new people about me and how great I am.)
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
It is currently 8:20 A.M, and I have seen at least 100 Dunkin and Starbucks coffees. Am I the only one who thinks it’s an obsessive amount?
Sincerely,
Skeptical Skylar
Dear Skylar,
Firstly, babe, call it “Starbs.” I am not one of those girls who NEEDS to have a coffee in the morning and has 50 million Dunkin points, but I do believe that you are missing out on a joy of life. It has become more of an accessory to outfits than a drink now, some people you will see with a coffee every day and that’s how they work! You must give it a try if you have not already, walking into school with an iced pumpkin coffee in hand is amazing, it’s like an angel is handing you 50 Dunkin points when they give you your drink. One day they will name a drink after me, and the whole school will be forced to try it. Better to start enjoying Starbs now then wait till you are forced to! Now that I told you how amazing it is, here are some things to be careful of. DO NOT SPILL IT!!! Accidents happen but it is super sticky and embarrassing to clean up, so hold on for dear life. (Side note, make sure you wipe the leftover water ring from where it was sitting on your desk, no one wants to put their paper on a wet spot girl.) Another thing to note is to not make it your WHOLE personality. Be 6’5 and nonchalant when it comes to these things, avoid saying “I just can’t function without my Starbies,” or “Sorry I’m late, the Dunkin line was sooooooo long,” as those statements make it very embarrassing to be around you! Now go out and try it queen!
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
