Dear Wendy Wildcat,
For some reason me and my boyfriend get dirty looks in the hall everyday, and I don’t understand why? All we do is the normal couple stuff, like making out in the hall. Are we in the wrong?
Sincerely,
PDA Alexisia
Dear Alexisia,
Being in the wrong wouldn’t even begin to convey the disgust I feel towards you! So keep in mind I say this all with love–you are gross and disgusting. No one wants to be walking to their 6th bell after a long day and see you outside their class connecting tongues and making the whole hallway feel either lonely or disgusted. No one wants the music bathrooms to be shut down because you planned on being a teenage parent, no one wants to eat lunch at the same table as someone sitting on someone else’s lap, and ESPECIALLY no one wants to be in class trying to learn and be next to a couple whispering “nooooo I loveeee youuuu moreeee” to each other. I am trying to learn about the quadratic formula, not about how lonely I am going to be the rest of my life, girly. Next time I see a PDA couple in the hallway they are getting clawed- hopefully it’s not you! XOXO (Minus the kisses cause you get plenty of that in the hallway)
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
Are you a skibidi sigma, in Ohio with a level 15 gyatt?
Sincerely,
Brainrotted Brian
Dear Brian,
If you ever ask me a question like that again, you, too, will be getting clawed. How rotted does your brain have to be to ask me that? Do you even know who I am??? Just because you have an IQ of 32 doesn’t mean everyone around you has to suffer because of it. I can imagine you with drool falling down from your mouth and steam coming out of your ear when you are asked what 1+1 is. Stop talking like that! It is cringey now, and your future children are going to make bad fun of you (spoilers).
The only thing I can get behind is the “gyatt,” not because I find it funny (because it isn’t) but because it is true. If you didn’t know, I have it good back there! I keep EVERYONE’S tails wagging when they walk past (which they would do even if I didn’t have a “gyatt”). I genuinely think the downfall of high school students needs studied, and you are the first experiment…. actually no one would want to be close enough to study you anyways–just in case the brain rot is infectious.
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
Rumor in the halls is that you and Ms. Evanson have beef, is this true? And if so, how are you writing articles when she runs the website?
Sincerely,
Gossip Gora
Dear Gora,
Do you really think someone would not let me write these amazing articles (she doesn’t)??? You are talking to the most hot and smart student that has ever come here! As for the alleged beef with Tricia…. some of it may be true. The story I am about to tell is a very sensitive subject, so DO NOT BRING IT UP!!! Back before all this technology took over, I was helping with the newspaper through paper copies. I was the 3-time editor-in-chief of the newspaper (beat that, Ashlyn Fuhrmann) and I was on top of the world. When I graduated they told me I couldn’t do the newspaper anymore (which is more than likely why it fell apart and got disbanded) and I was devastated. Instead of spending my time in the boiler room writing for the newspaper, I had to find other ways to entertain myself, like doing kid’s annotated bibs and English essays. Then Evanson announced the return of the newspaper, and I was ecstatic to return to my position as editor-in-chief, but “Noooooooo this is a student run newspaper,” “Noooooooo stop being a super senior,” “Nooooooooo you can’t live here.” The disrespect towards me was insane! Evanson doesn’t know how I am posting these, and I am keeping that a secret. Obviously everyone still wants me in the newspaper because you all love reading my articles! I say we replace Evanson as the Paw Print advisor and hire me!
Love,
Wendy Wildcat
