Dear Wendy Wildcat,
How do you feel about the snow days lately? I think they have been really awesome, but cold. I had to shovel the snow, and it was FREEZING!! Sincerely, Freezing Freddy Dear Freddy, Snow days are a pure gift and have surprisingly grown to be quite rare lately. Personally, snow days are a good chance for me to 1. Not see any of you annoying snotty highschoolers, 2. ENJOY THE SNOW!!! I love the snow. I enjoy making snow angels (and my snow angels are the truly angelic, because they are based on me) and 3. to enjoy the nice, toasty warm regions of my boiler room abode. During the most recent snow day I lived my very best life. I ate so much General Tso chicken that I stashed away–it was more Tso than General, but still delicious. As for having to shovel snow, that is your own fault for living in a “traditional home,” which really sounds like a you problem. I have a highly efficient staff that clears my snow (shout out to the grounds crew of this lovely high school!). I live rent free, with free heat, free food, and NO CHORES. You can’t beat that slaying price of free. Hopefully there will be a snow day every day until May, so I won’t see you guys! Love, Wendy Wildcat Dear Wendy Wildcat, A fashionista like yourself knows how to look good, but I have a question about smelling good. Why are kids spraying half the bottle of perfume mid class on them, making it hard for everyone else to even breathe? Sincerely, Perfume Inhaler Phil Dear Phil, I understand your pain. Every time someone sprays vanilla bean perfume, the smell tracks from the vents all the way to the boiler room, so I know that the classrooms of Harrison High are ingrained with the smell of Bath and Body Works. Unfortunately, people will never stop spraying themselves head to toe with it, but it’s better than smelling the horrible stench of high schoolers who skipped their monthly bath. I am exempt from this, naturally, because I hate water, but luckily, I have never produced a bad smell in my life. Any allegations otherwise are clear anti-Wendy Wildcat propaganda and should be totally ignored. For your actual bad smells, I recommended every student to get a glamorous pink gas mask to keep those luxuriant, yet painfully strong smells out of your nose! Love, Wendy Wildcat Dear Wendy Wildcat, Christmas brought many gifts with it, yet some things were not an ideal thing I wanted. Is it wrong to re-gift things? I’m very appreciative of everything I got, it’s just not my style…. Sincerely, Regifting Rohan Dear Rohan, I think there is a fine line to regifting, at some point everyone is going to do it. Side note, I love that you said you were “very appreciative” of everything because saying that signifies that your Christmas haul ATE (HMU with the video link to the haul, girl.) Anyways, I believe regifting can be good depending on two things: 1) is the item something someone would even want? and 2) is the person you are regifting going to know that the item is regifted? Starting with criteria one: if you are regifting something, please don’t let it be something your grandma thought you would like, because anything from your grandma must be very well thought out. If your grandma gets you something, you better keep it and have the most enthusiastic smile on your face while saying thank you. Now gifts from friends I could see being able to be regifted. Just don’t get caught by the person who originally gave it to you, or you’ll be in for an awkward experience. Now all this information is a lot to pack in, but we are forgetting the most important rule of regifting. You better NEVER regift anything to me, Wendy Wildcat, because trust me pal, this boiler room cat is not afraid to go street cat on your face. I will also use this opportunity to call out Mrs. Jane Hinterlong, I know the gift you gave me in ‘99 was regifted. You’re lucky you are such a queen that I won’t do anything about it. Since I didn’t say it then I will say it now: thank you for the used cat socks that you got from a student…. I just hope you haven’t regifted anything else since. Love, Wendy Wildcat |