Dear Wendy Wildcat,
As coronation is coming up, I’ve been thinking about who I want to ask to the dance and I’m really nervous. There’s this boy in my 3rd bell who I think is really cute and funny, and I want to ask him but I don’t know if he’ll say yes. How do I ask him?
Sincerely, Worried Willy
Dear Worried Willy,
Coronation is a really stressful time for most people, including aspiring asker-outers. If you REALLY want to ask him out, stop and think for a minute:
“Is he really as he seems?”
“Does he have good fashion sense?”
“Does he smell like he came out of the AXE body spray factory?”
If you answered yes to the last question, for all of our sakes please don’t invite him anywhere. Instead, consider calling a hazmat team to clear that up. My best advice is just go for it. If you really think you should, do it, and if it works out, good! If not, that’s ok. Go to coronation with your group of besties and enjoy just being out with some friends. Sometimes, friends are more important than a boy.
Sincerely, Wendy Wildcat
Dear Wendy Wildcat,
I have been parking in the same spot since Sophomore year (I’m a senior now), and this new Sophomore keeps parking in it and not respecting my legacy or seniority. How should I handle this?
Sincerely, Seething Sara
Dear Seething Sara,
I hate people like this!! They are the worst people ever, like if I’ve been parking in a place for years I don’t want people to park in it!!! Respect my authority!!!! I am VERY passionate about this topic. I dealt with this back in 1986, when some new girl started parking in my established spot. Now, I’m not suggesting you do anything, but after I dealt with it my fists hurt and she was crying. So, do with that information what you will. Hope this helps!
Sincerely, Wendy Wildcat
LATE BREAKING ADMINISTRATIVE BULLETIN: Do not get in fights, no matter who tells you to. Find a trusted adult and work it out from there. Also, who is this Wendy Wildcat? Where is she living?
